A little slice of something
by expletive deleted
Summary: A variety of drabbles: From a traitorously relaxed Crowley, to Famine/Pollution, to a different Antichrist...


Disclaimer: Characters created by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, loaned without profit or intent to harm the creators'/owners' rights.

Note: most of these were written for challenges on the Good Omens drabble communities on livejournal, go100 and goodomens100.

* * *

**The First Compromise**  
Words: 100  
Challenge: Light  
Note: 'sun' and 'light' did not biblically come about together, but ... :P

He had principles! So he hadn't exactly been swinging swords; he'd landed in the same Hell as everyone...

Hell. Great place. 'Hell is home', to quote the mural into which the last of Hastur's divine glow had been channelled (Crawly freely admitted to gladness at having left that behind it could only be described as 'lovely' and made all the demons nauseated).

Yeah, he was all demon. Still ... the other side could be right about _one_ thing...

Crawly couldn't drag his coils off the sun-warmed rock, so he decided that he was right and hissed contentedly, "Let there be light..."

* * *

**The End**  
Words: 100  
Challenge: Star

The Point was War, and she reigned savagely. The means were insidious and slow, and so spread Pollution and Famine.

The End was Death.

He had expected to be last. His companions only had form through human terrors: humanity perished and took its self-made killers with it. Still, Azrael experienced a dim regret as he wrapped up business. He stilled as he faced the first source of light, observing that he echoed it with the bright shreds of souls clinging to his robes.

Perhaps creation's shadow would now meet himself?

Azrael swung his scythe, and the last star flickered out.

* * *

**Once upon a time, long long ago**  
Challenge: first line  
Word count: 100

" 'I'm pretty sure that's highly illegal...' " read Nanny Ashtoreth, and showed Warlock the picture in his storybook before continuing.

" 'But seen from another point of view, it's simply an interesting experiment!' said the one who had more power, and was clever enough to use it whenever he pleased. '_Can_ people bend that way?'

" 'But it will really hurt!' cried his snivelling, unworthy slave (who was a lot like that stupid Kevin from school).

" 'Now, now, you wouldn't be so lippy if your ropes were tighter, would you?'"

- o - o -

Brother Francis, the gardener, had a particularly awkward damage control session the following morning.

* * *

**The knowledge of good and evil**  
Challenge: Lies  
Word count: 100  
Note: Just so no one has to double-take when reading - this is the biblical Adam, not the canon one.

Their pace was slow; the first storm raged about them, and their white-knuckled embrace made walking awkward.

"It's dark," said Adam.

"Yes." Eve peered tensely into the darkness, watching for danger.

"I prefer starlight."

"Hopefully hunters do too."

"Which animals hunt?" Adam asked. "We don't understand anymore!" Then he turned away sharply, because he refused to hurt her in his anger.

A path grew in the undergrowth as he swung the sword; flames gulped off-cuts, then returned conscientiously to the blade. Adam hefted the sword. "The angel said we'd be okay," he ventured.

"Before that ... so did the _other_ one."

* * *

Challenge: Famine/Pollution  
Word count: 2 drabbles, 100 each  
Note: unashamed Pollution-perving.

**Talk dirty**

He was dreaming, dead-eyed, because his dreams were cast too wide to be reflected in human form.

"Poet," Famine teased, stretching as he finally looked away. "I dub thee poet."

"You're showing your age," Pollution said, shifting slyly back into the present.

Famine snorted. "Ha. If I did that ... I wouldn't speak, except for the chitter of locusts. Clay paintings would appear and show herds falling putrid with disease."

The poet stared entranced, as if he did see it. "Humanity has known you so long..." He trailed a hand along Famine's face. "I'm glad they finally caught up with me."

* * *

**Ruin**

"At least," Famine said resignedly, "you are easy to find."

In the green of the forest was a plain, its centre soot-black from the explosion of the research facility; toxicity seeping from there had turned the soil a lifeless white for miles more.

Pollution had dug himself waist-deep into the exhausted silt, fingers sifting it in helpless fascination.

Famine helped him out, faintly amused. Pollution fell against him, legs shaky, and whispered into his beard, "It's _beautiful_..."

"One day, there will be no world to keep you away." Famine smiled, and kissed him. "And it will be all your fault."

* * *

**That Delightfully Unpretentious Title**  
Words: 115. AW SNAP  
Challenge: crossover that includes a canonical fictional book.  
Note: Do you know your _Naruto_?

The very minute he got home, Aziraphale would contact Crowley. He couldn't bear to think what this universe's version of his counterpart was doing with that young boy ... with that and the way Orochimaru overdid the tongue thing, Aziraphale was sure Crowley would act against him out of an offended sense of style.

He would find the angelic agent on this world too, and chat with him pointedly on exactly how far the Enemy should be allowed to go. Well ... he would as soon as he got that bible with the delightfully unpretentious title.

When Aziraphale, slightly uncertain about the cover, opened _Come Come Paradise_, he thought that perhaps he wouldn't mention anything to anyone.

* * *

**How The World Would Have Been Screwed**  
Words: 100  
Challenge: none  
Note: So if someone else had been the Antichrist...

His face always brightened when he got an idea, but now there was real light. It reflected off his glasses _from the inside_, and his friends knew they were invisible to him now...

"I saw this documentary about dinosaurs," Wensleydale said distantly. "It said they probably all went extinct because of an asteroid, and that's the best way to get rid of most life—"

WHAM.

- o - o -

"I can hardly believe how much dust the strike raised..." Pollution was misty-eyed and enraptured. "It's _covered_ Eurasia!"

"Y'know," Famine said thoughtfully, "it'll be a real challenge to starve cockroaches."

War stomped off, feeling cheated.


End file.
